The YuYu Hakusho yaoi fanfic of DOOM!
by never to return
Summary: I tried to tell Yuske that there was no Easter Bunny but he just wouldn't listen. That baka! This story really has nothing to do with the title. ZOOM!
1. It Begins

The YuYu Hakusho yaoi fanfic of DOOM!  
  
Disclaimer: I'm a big kid look what I can do, I can wear big kid pants too. Mommy wow, NO DISCLAIMER NOW! *holds for applause......eh?  
  
Well once upon a time there was this magical coffee stain, and it lived in the land of magical coffee stains. It was a poor peasant stain that was secretly in love with another coffee stain, except that this coffee stain was a princess. What would royalty want with a commoner like her? But unbeknownst to all these feelings were returned. And one day the two were true to each other, and the common stain said "I love you", and the princess coffee stain said "I love you as well", and then the two embraced each other, and then Yuske decided that he should wash all the damn stains out of his clothes.  
  
Yuske: I swear, I try to drink one cup of coffee and I just go and spill it all over my nice green jacket.  
  
Botan: Well that's what happens when you try to drink a hot beverage and ride a unicycle at the same time.  
  
Yuske: Well I'm sorry for thinking that I'm as talented as some circus monkey!  
  
Botan: No Yuske! You shall never be like the great Mr. Bobo! All hail to him for he is our true god!  
  
Yuske: Whatever Botan, you can go pray to your freakin monkey god, I'm gonna go get drunk and punch random people.  
  
So with that Yuske got drunk and punched people, and Botan prayed to her freakin monkey god. What you didn't think that would really happen? You silly reader don't you know that Yuske has creepy magical see-into-the- future-powers? Yep he's just like Elvis.  
  
Meanwhile. In the land of teddybears and group hugs/ better known as Maze castle, evil was afoot!  
  
a foot: What???  
  
Anyways Suzaku leader of the saint beasts sat in his throne doing evil things(no not playing frogger) While his minions ran around and did miniony things.  
  
Suzaku: Genbu get in here!  
  
So as to follow orders Genbu popped right up out of the floor right next to Suzaku. That's right when he's not doing anything else he just sits there in the floor like that's his job, which it is, I mean what else would we pay him to do?  
  
Genbu: I am here master, what do you wish of me?  
  
Suzaku: I'd like to know how our plans for world domination are going.  
  
Genbu: We are almost ready to begin the invasion of the human world using our Makai insects, once it is under our control we can force sprit world to let us out of this castle and then we shall rule over all.  
  
Suzaku: Well that's what they get for not letting us out when we sent them that nice fruit basket, there was a mango in there dammnit! Don't forget to alert them to our plans just days before we can put it into action, thereby giving them the necessary time to find some fighters that will enter this castle and kill us in one on one combat so as to prevent the destruction of their world. But it's not like they will do that or anything.  
  
Genbu: As you command master. Shall I tell the others to prepare themselves?  
  
Suzaku: Yes please do, and tell Byako to wear some nice clothes for a change, that Tarzan look is soooo last year.  
  
Genbu: And now I leave. *insert random sound effect here, I guess that KABOOM! will have to do.  
  
Suzaku: Those humans don't stand a chance against us, now I shall laugh evilly for a lengthy period of time! Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.....ow my fingers hurt....hahaha.  
  
Later in a completely different location. Yuske had finished his drunken rage and was standing in an alley, Kuwabara was following Yuske around constantly shaking his fist and challenging him to a fight. Kurama and Hiei were there because they were sick of random authors making them have sex in yaoi lemons. I'm still not sure why Keiko was there, guess she has to keep an eye on Yuske.  
  
Yuske: Dammnit Keiko get your eye off of me and put it back in your head!  
  
Keiko: Sorry Yuske, it just kinda popped right out, that's the last time I buy my eyes from a traveling eyeball salesman.  
  
Hiei: Would you people shut up? I'm trying to listen to myself think.  
  
Kurama: to himself; Why am I the only one here who doesn't want to make peoples heads explode?  
  
Keiko: I don't know. Maybe it's just because we like violence and you don't, and we kill people all the time and you try not to. Or maybe it's because you like foxes and we all like doggies, well all of us except Kuwabara, he likes kitties.  
  
Kuwabara: Hey thanks for mentioning me, for a second there I forgot that I was even here. But hey look at this *holds up kitten.  
  
Keiko: Where did you get the cat from?  
  
Kuwabara: Oh I always carry this little guy around with me, haven't any of you ever noticed?  
  
All: Ummmmmmm nope.  
  
So they were all just standing there with big sweatdrops on their foreheads when out of nowhere, Koenma appeared! Oh and ogre was there too for some reason.  
  
Koenma: Yuske, Botan, get over here right now, we've got trouble. Someone has sent us a threatening letter.  
  
Botan: A threatening letter? (I know what you are thinking and no, I did not just forget to say that Botan was there. She was standing in the corner the entire time, you people just never noticed her, fools)  
  
Yuske: Well what does it say?  
  
Koenma: I don't know, it's not like I can read.  
  
Botan: Well then how do you know that it's a threatening letter?  
  
Koenma: Whoever sent it drew an angry face on the envelope. Anyways I need one of you to read it.  
  
Yuske: Why didn't you just have ogre read it?  
  
Koenma: Because he's an ogre.  
  
Botan: Oh just give it here, I'll read it.  
  
So Botan read it of course.  
  
Botan: GASP! The saint beasts are planning to take over the world by infesting it with insects that turn people into murderous zombies. They won't stop until they've been released from their prison; a place called maze castle. Oh, and they also wanted to know why we didn't send them a thank you for a fruit basket they sent you a month ago.  
  
Koenma: A FRUIT BASKET!? A MONTH AGO!? OGRE! YOU SAID THAT YOU BOUGHT ME THAT FOR MY BIRTHDAY!  
  
Ogre: Er uh well you see sir it was your birthday and I'd forgotten and it was just sitting there and I know how much you like mangos and well you know the rest..  
  
Koenma: I'll deal with you later ogre! Yuske, I need you all to go to maze castle and stop these monsters from reaching their goal! Or else I'll get spanked by my dad.  
  
Yuske: No way! We have better things to do than save the world for a talking baby. Lets go guys.  
  
So with that they left, they being Yuske, Kuwabara, Kurama, and Hiei. Botan, Koenma, and ogre just stayed standing in the alley, but not Keiko, she left a long time ago. She put on a Richard Nixon mask and a shirt that said "I AM NOT KEIKO AND I AM NOT ESCAPING" and she ran off somewhere. I hear that she was chasing down that eyeball salesman.  
  
Meanwhile at maze castle. Suzaku: Ummmmm, do you think they got our note?  
  
To Be Continued only if their truly is no god.  
  
Well that was most certainly odd. I do hope it was bad enough to be a true "of doom" fic. I told you that it had nothing to with the title. More to come so review or else I WILL upload the next chapter! *shudders 


	2. Hiei hates The Simpsons!

The YuYu Hakusho yaoi fanfic of DOOM!  
  
Disclaimer: Uh, wasn't the one from the last chapter enough?  
  
Last time: The saint beasts readied their plans for world domination and laughed in an evil fashion. Koenma ordered Yuske and co. to go and stop them, but Yuske refused and decided instead to go out and do things that one would consider enjoyable and pointless. Off to the mall they go!  
  
Kuwabara: Ok we ditched the baby, now what?  
  
Yuske: Lets go get drunk.  
  
Hiei: I despise alcohol and the people who consume it.  
  
Yuske: MUST.DEFEND.ALCHOHOL.  
  
Kurama: Lets go find something else to do.  
  
So that's exactly what they did!  
  
Kuwabara: Hey, do you all wanna go to the food court and get some food?  
  
Yuske: Nah I already ate.  
  
Kurama: Why not go to the flower shop?  
  
Kuwabara: No! The flower shop is much too girly for me!  
  
Hiei: What, you don't like girls? Are you going to be the reason that this story has yaoi in the title?  
  
Kuwabara: I like girls! Especially Hiei's sister, she's hot!  
  
Hiei: Grrrrrrrrrrrr.  
  
Yuske: Well why don't we go to the clothing shop, they sell Halloween costumes too.  
  
All: Ok (Why is Yuske answering his own question? And why does it have no question mark?)  
  
So they all walked into the store, and emerged not three seconds later, dressed up as superheroes.  
  
Kuwabara: I feel pretty now.  
  
Suddenly a large group of blue humans infected by the Makai insects jumped out from the shadows and surrounded our heroes. Then the theme from the old Batman show started playing and the fight began, with big words appearing on the screen as the sound effects!  
  
Yuske: Die you goddamned smurfs!  
  
POW!  
  
Hiei: Say hi to my sword.  
  
SLICE!  
  
Kurama: I don't feel like talking! I'll just whip you!  
  
WHIP!  
  
Kuwabara: Now watch in amazement as I pull off your own pants and beat you with them!  
  
PANTS!  
  
Yuske: For some reason I have to make multiple quips during this one fight scene!  
  
QUIPS!  
  
All of the sudden the music changed to some sort of old party music, and all of the dead bad guys mysteriously came back to life, and a bunch of hippies ran into the scene, and then they all started dancing! AHHHHHH!!!! ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!  
  
After a few hours the four realized that what they were doing was pointless. So they decided to leave, they still kept wearing the superhero costumes though.  
  
Kuwabara: Well that was fun! And look Hiei, I got some woman's phone number!  
  
Hiei: That wasn't a woman.  
  
Kuwabara: Ahhhh! It's all coming true!  
  
Yuske: Finally this story starts to make sense again.  
  
Kurama: Again?  
  
Meanwhile. Back at maze castle, evil was afoot!  
  
a foot: You used this joke already!  
  
Oh, ok. Anyways it would seem that something important is going on inside, so lets watch.  
  
Suzaku: Genbu I'd like to speak to you!  
  
Genbu: Yes master?  
  
Suzaku: Why didn't you pop out of the floor this time?  
  
Genbu: Whenever I do that it uses up our entire special effects budget for the chapter, and we already spent most of that to hire those hippies from earlier.  
  
Suzaku: Oh, anyways what have you to report?  
  
Genbu: Well it would seem like the enemy was trying to stop our world domination plans, but their fighters didn't feel like coming here and fighting us. Instead they're dressing in weird clothes and fighting our infected humans. Also we believe the one with orange hair to be gay.  
  
Suzaku: Wow, and how did you manage to find all of that out?  
  
Genbu: Well I managed to capture an enemy spy, he was trying to impersonate Seriyu.  
  
Genbu then held up Mr. Bobo, who was wearing a Seriyu costume, complete with one of those disguise kit glasses that have the big nose eyebrows and moustache. Uh oh, Botans going to be mad when she finds out that they have her freakin monkey god!  
  
Genbu: Now that we have one of their agents, they have even more of a reason to cave into our demands.  
  
Suzaku: That's good to know, you may leave now Genbu.  
  
Genbu: Yes sir.  
  
Suzaku: One last thing Genbu, is there enough money left in the budget for there to be a sound effect when you leave this time?  
  
Genbu: Only if we reuse a sound effect from before.  
  
Suzaku: Alright, now you may go.  
  
Genbu: And now I leave.  
  
PANTS!  
  
Back to our heroes.  
  
Yuske: Alright that was fun, now who wants to get a taco?  
  
Kurama: Do they even serve tacos here in Japan?  
  
Hiei: Who knows, why don't we go to the bookstore next?  
  
Kuwabara: I don't want to go there! I'll be mocked for my illiteracy!  
  
Hiei: Oh shut up! They have picture books.  
  
Kuwabara: Hooray! Now I'll get to find Waldo!  
  
At the bookstore.  
  
Kuwabara: There he is! He was wearing a skirt and a beard the whole time!  
  
Yuske: Are you still reading that?  
  
Librarian: SHHHHH!  
  
Kuwabara: Why is there a librarian in a bookstore?  
  
Kurama: I don't know, it must be for plot development.  
  
Suddenly the librarian pulled off her mask to reveal that she was really a fat, bald, yellow skinned man, wearing a white shirt and blue jeans.  
  
Hiei: Ahhhhh!!! Die Homer Simpson!  
  
So Hiei killed Homer with his sword, and then changed from his superhero costume to Homer's clothes. Everyone else just acted as if nothing had happened.  
  
Hiei: Ha! Now I am Max Power! Stare in wonderment at my embroidered t- shirt!  
  
Hiei then went on to sing the entire Max Power theme song, but I really don't feel like typing it all right now. If you all wanna hear it so bad then just go watch The Simpsons! I might add the song in some other time.  
  
Kuwabara: Hey! How come I don't get to play some other character?  
  
Hiei: Aren't you still wearing your superhero costume?  
  
Kuwabara: Yeah.  
  
Hiei: Then shut up and keep looking for Waldo!  
  
Yuske: I won't say anything if you don't.  
  
Kurama: Agreed.  
  
Meanwhile. Over in spirit world.  
  
Koenma: Oh how could I have been so blind?  
  
Botan: What's wrong Koenma?  
  
Koenma: I should have know that this fruit basket wasn't from ogre the moment I saw it!  
  
Botan: How would you be able to tell?  
  
Koenma: Well right here on the inside of the card it says "A gift to you from the saint beasts". I always thought it was strange how ogre wrote his whole message on the outside of the card and told me not to open it because there were snakes hiding on the inside.  
  
Botan: Well were there any snakes?  
  
Koenma: Just a few, but that's beyond the point!  
  
Botan: Where did ogre get to now anyway?  
  
Ogre can be seen standing in the background wearing Keiko's Richard Nixon mask and "I AM NOT KEIKO AND I AM NOT ESCAPING" shirt. Neither Botan nor Koenma pay any attention to him despite the fact that his shirt declared him not to be Keiko, but didn't say anything about him not being ogre. I guess that it's just a natural reaction to try ones best to ignore Richard Nixon.  
  
Botan: By the way, has anyone seen Mr. Bobo lately?  
  
To Be Continued.  
  
Alright that's chapter two. With any luck this one made slightly more sense than chapter one. A big thank you goes out to BloodiedAngel for prereading chapter one for me. Also thank you to my reviewers, you all shall get a proper thank you in the next chapter. Bye bye. *waves 


	3. Annother wasted chapter

The YuYu Hakusho yaoi fanfic of DOOM!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own YuYu Hakusho, or any other entities mentioned herein. I do however own the yeti from the pop tarts commercial, that's right, you heard it here.  
  
Last time: The YYH gang went and wasted a perfectly good day at the mall. Oh the horror! Oh the humanity! Oh the Batman and Simpsons references! We also learned that the saint beasts work on a really small budget, and they captured Mr. Bobo(Botan's freakin monkey god, refer to chapter one). Finally ogre dressed like a Keiko Nixon to elude an angry Koenma. HE IS NOT A CROOK!  
  
`  
  
Yuske: Have you guys noticed that this story has no point?  
  
Kurama: From the moment it started.  
  
Kuwabara: I think that it really does have some point, but we have to look really hard to find it.  
  
Max Power: Who cares about this story's point? I am here and that's all that maters!  
  
Kuwabara: Who are you?  
  
Max Power: I am Hiei, but in the last chapter I killed Homer Simpson and now I get to be Max Power!  
  
Yuske: Well this is too confusing, can't you just be Hiei again?  
  
Max Power: Fine but I still get to wear this costume.  
  
So with that Max Power mysteriously changed back into Hiei! Wow I really thought that Max Power joke would have stayed funnier a lot longer than that, oh well there's bad writing for you.  
  
Hiei: Once again Hiei reigns supreme! Tremble in fear of my mighty woodchuck powers!  
  
Yuske: What the hell? You're the one who's supposed to make sense around here!  
  
Kurama: Actually that's me.  
  
Yuske: Your right, my mistake.  
  
Kuwabara: Did anyone notice that this story has even less of a point now than it did a page ago?  
  
Kurama: Really I was convinced that it couldn't possibly have less of a point.  
  
Hiei: Maybe it would all make sense if something dramatic were suddenly to happen.  
  
`  
  
Suddenly Koenma appeared!  
  
Koenma: I need a diaper change!  
  
Hiei: That's not what I meant.  
  
`  
  
Suddenly Botan appeared!  
  
Botan: I'm off to liberate the village of cheese sandwiches! Everybody grab a gun and follow me!  
  
Kurama: I don't think that was it either.  
  
`  
  
Suddenly Keiko appeared! Covered in blood!  
  
Keiko: Yuske you've got to help me.  
  
Kuwabara: I guess this one will do.  
  
Yuske: Keiko what happened?!  
  
Keiko: I went out looking for that eyeball salesman, and when I found him I challenged him to a fight.  
  
Kurama: Should she really be talking if she's so injured?  
  
Hiei: Shut up! I want to hear the story.  
  
Keiko: . I tried to punch him for selling me bad eyes, but he used his "super makes you go ouchies attack!" on me.  
  
Yuske: You'd better not talk so much Keiko, you'll be ok if you just lie there and rest.  
  
Keiko: The eyeball salesman was really the leader of the saint beasts Suzaku in disguise. You must go to maze castle and avenge my death.  
  
Kuwabara: Ummmm but you're not dead yet.  
  
Keiko: Sure I am! Now shut up and go avenge me!  
  
Yuske: Alright you heard the corpse, now lets go to maze castle!  
  
And so with that they set out for maze castle. Instead of using Botan's weird portal thing, the group decided that it would somehow be a better idea to just walk over there. So since they had little else to do, they headed that way.  
  
`  
  
Meanwhile. Over at maze castle, evil was afoot!  
  
a foot: I'll not even dignify that with a response you twit.  
  
Fine you can just be like that you damned foot! I'll go over and watch the saint beasts while you sit there and.umm.do foot things!  
  
a foot: Real smooth. You sure do have a way with those insults. I can't believe that I actually agreed to star in a horrid fanfic like this. You truly are a moron!  
  
RAR!!!!!!! Now you die foot!  
  
POW!  
  
BLAM!  
  
CRACK!  
  
YAHHHHH!!!!!  
  
PANTS!  
  
x_x  
  
Due to massive blood loss and multiple broken bones, a foot will not be appearing in this story until it's condition drops down from critical to stable and the six month physical rehabilitation is complete. Now the saint beasts!  
  
Suzaku: Why have those humans not shown up yet? Do they think that they can make a fool of me? Suzaku? Leader of the saint beasts?  
  
Genbu: That must be it exactly master!  
  
Suzaku: What, aren't you going to have a fancy entrance this time? I know for a fact that we only spent $4.95 this chapter, and that was just on a diet soda, a croissant, and a blank video tape, and all of those were for the author! I demand that you leave now and not return without some sort of fancy and exciting entrance!  
  
Genbu: As you wish.  
  
So Genbu left.  
  
And then Genbu burst from the floor with a big whooshing sound! And he was wearing a tuxedo, and a top hat, and he had a fancy cane. Gasp he's that guy that does all those big Vegas shows!  
  
Genbu: And now my song and dance number begins!  
  
Genbu singing: I want chicken, I want liver, Meow Mix Meow Mix please deliver.  
  
Suzaku:?????  
  
Genbu: Tada!  
  
Suzaku: I think that we really need to get you some counseling Genbu. But on a side note, if this world domination thing doesn't work out, we could always start a rock band.  
  
Genbu: Yes master that is an excellent idea, but what would we call our band?  
  
Suzaku: Why "The not-alive Dead" of course.  
  
Genbu: But why master?  
  
Suzaku: Don't try to think, just agree.  
  
Genbu: Yes sir.  
  
Suzaku: Back to what I was saying about a page ago, where are those humans? You don't think that they're out liberating that sandwich village we captured a month ago, do you?  
  
Genbu: Of course not, how would they ever learn about that anyways? Wait a second! Do you think that Byako is convinced that he's the Riddler again?  
  
Suzaku: He might have left them a clue! Oh well lets just try to forget that, cheer me up Genbu. Tell me how the prisoner interrogation is going.  
  
Genbu: We are currently dangling Mr. Bobo above a shark tank using a very small rope. Unfortunately we don't have any sharks to put in the tank, but I did glue a fin to Seriyu's head and threw him in. So all should work as planned.  
  
Suzaku: Naturally. And on that note let's laugh evilly!  
  
Both: Mra ha ha ha! Mra ha ha ha ha! Mra ha ha ha ha ha! Mra ha ha cough cough ha ha!  
  
`  
  
Elsewhere.  
  
Kuwabara: Lets go kick their asses!  
  
Yuske: Yeah and we'll avenge Keiko's death too!  
  
Keiko: That's right, go avenge me!  
  
Kurama: I fail to see how we can go avenge your death when you are still alive.  
  
Keiko: Are you blind? Do you not see the X's where my eyes should be? Or this realistic looking blood all over me? Or this sign I'm carrying that says "this is what a dead Keiko looks like"?  
  
Kurama: I'm sorry, I've just always been a skeptic.  
  
Hiei: I really don't care if your alive or dead, I'm just glad that I can finally follow this plot.  
  
Kurama: You're the only one.  
  
`  
  
Back in spirit world.  
  
Botan: It looks as though they are finally headed to maze castle.  
  
Koenma: Well it certainly took long enough! It is a shame that we had to trick them all like that.  
  
Botan: I agree with you sir, but one question.  
  
Koenma: What?  
  
Botan: Who's going to tell them that they're going in the wrong direction?  
  
To Be Continued.  
  
And then it went from bad to worse. What do Koenma and Botan mean that they tricked Yuske and co.? Is Suzaku really the eyeball salesman? Why has writers block chosen to attack me now? I don't know! Hopefully the next chapter will be more random but less pointless. My thankfulness shall be shown next time also! 


	4. I'm with stupid

The YuYu Hakusho yaoi fanfic of DOOM!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own YuYu Hakusho, I don't own any of its characters, I do own a giant caramel bunny, neat huh?  
  
Last time: I wrote a chapter that had no point whatsoever. The characters ran around and did things that any sane person would have scoffed at. Thankfully I am not a sane person, and I'm hoping that you're not either, so now chapter four begins.  
  
`  
  
Outside Maze castle.  
  
Kuwabara: Ok we're here, now what?  
  
Yuske: We go in and start a fight, what else would we do?  
  
Kurama: Are you sure that is a wise plan?  
  
Hiei: Keep quiet Kurama! If they want to run to their deaths, I'd love to sit back and watch.  
  
Kurama: Well I'm at least glad to see that you're back to normal, what was wrong with you last time?  
  
Hiei: Oh I was just fine, it's that damned author that's not making any sense.  
  
Yuske: Can we focus?  
  
Kuwabara: Yeah lets go into the castle!  
  
So the four started running towards the castle, beating on those annoying little hooded demons the whole way. Until finally they arrived at the front gate, the group was greeted by the gatekeeper there.  
  
Kuwabara: Ok what's the deal with the floating eyeball with wings?  
  
Yuske: I have no idea.  
  
Hiei: Can we at least assume that its not here to serve us tea?  
  
Kurama: Or not crumpets either for that matter.  
  
Yuske: What no snack food? Now I'm angry!  
  
Floating eye: Oh the hell with all this, I'm just going to drop the ceiling!  
  
So the floating eyeball demon pulled the switch to activate the gate of betrayal, unfortunately it forgot to look where everyone was standing.  
  
Floating eye: Uh oh!  
  
SPLAT!  
  
Kurama: Why did that flying eyeball demon just crush itself under the ceiling?  
  
Hiei: I don't know, can we blame the author for this too?  
  
Yuske: Oh forget it, let's just go find the saint beasts now!  
  
`  
  
Elsewhere in the castle.  
  
As usual Suzaku sat in his throne looking bored and drumming his fingers on the side of it, without warning Genbu popped out of the floor beside Suzaku.  
  
PANTS!  
  
Suzaku: Good timing Genbu, I was just about to call for you.  
  
Genbu: What is it that you wish of me master?  
  
Suzaku: I'd like for you to tell those fools to hurry up and get in here so we can fight!  
  
Genbu: Is that really a wise move?  
  
Suzaku: Well that's the best plan that I have, so that's what we're going to do, unless you can think of something else.  
  
Genbu: Why don't we try to find out why it is that they wish to fight us?  
  
Suzaku: That's a brilliant idea Genbu! So brilliant in fact that I'll assume that it was really my idea and that you stole it!  
  
Genbu: It's true, I'm a terrible idea thief! Please forgive me master Suzaku.  
  
Suzaku: Oh I forgive you, now go piss off those intruders!  
  
Genbu: As you command.  
  
`  
  
Back at the gate.  
  
Yuske: Why are we still just standing here?  
  
Kurama: Who knows?  
  
Suddenly Genbu burst from the floor.  
  
Genbu: I am Genbu, the first saint beast. And I think that you all look like prepubescent elementary school girls!  
  
Kuwabara: Too many big words there, what did he just say?  
  
Hiei: That you look like a little girl.  
  
Kuwabara: What?! I do not look like a little girl! Maybe an older girl, but definitely not an elementary school girl!  
  
Genbu: Now that I've insulted you, I leave!  
  
And with that Genbu disappeared back into the floor and went back to Suzaku, while an angry Kuwabara shook his fist at the floor, thinking that's where Genbu still was.  
  
Yuske: Alright now lets run in some random direction in hopes of catching up to him!  
  
So that's exactly what they did. They ran, and they ran, and they ran, until they grew tired of running and rode unicycles instead.  
  
Hiei: Does anybody have anything that I can juggle while I do this?  
  
After twenty minutes of this the four finally reached the door to Suzaku's inner chambers.  
  
Yuske: Alright, as soon as I open this door just run in and start swearing while you punch people!  
  
Hiei: Why?  
  
Yuske: Just do it you goddamned midget!  
  
Hiei: If you value your life, you wont call me a midget again.  
  
Kurama: Can we please not fight each other until we finish with the saint beasts?  
  
Kuwabara: Yeah lets go beat them up, it's been hours since I've used physical violence and I'm starting to feel weird.  
  
Yuske: Then we begin!  
  
The group then opened the door and stepped into Suzaku's chambers. There waiting for them was Suzaku sitting in his throne and Genbu standing beside him.  
  
Yuske: And now the fight begins!  
  
`  
  
Meanwhile.  
  
Off in a distant land all was not well, the minions of Suzaku were making like very difficult on a small group of people. The poor cheese sandwiches were forced to work day and night, in shops that made those "I'm with stupid" t-shirts. Oh who will ever rescue them from this horribly oppressive tyranny?  
  
Botan: I will!  
  
So Botan ran in with guns a blazing, just shooting and stabbing everything that wasn't made of cheese and bread.  
  
Botan: Die you goddamned flying eyeballs!  
  
BAM!  
  
BANG!  
  
STAB!  
  
SHOOT!  
  
GROIN KICK!  
  
When it was all over all the eyeball minions lay dead in pools of their own odd colored blood, Botan however was mysteriously unharmed.  
  
Cheese sandwich: Oh thank you so much, but they will soon return for revenge.  
  
Botan; in heavy accent: Don't worry, I'll be back!  
  
With that Botan walked off into the sunset, while the cheese sandwiches went back to being eaten by hungry people.  
  
`  
  
Back at the castle.  
  
Suzaku: You were saying?  
  
Yuske: Yes before I was so rudely interrupted, let the fight scene begin.  
  
So Yuske, Hiei, Kurama, and Kuwabara began trying to punch and kick Suzaku, who somehow managed to dodge all their attacks by sitting in his throne! Genbu didn't like being ignored so he jumped into the fight too.  
  
Genbu: I will not let you hit master Suzaku! I will now do my splitting into many pieces and flying at you attack!  
  
Yuske: You do know that we can just jump out of the way and dodge, right?  
  
Genbu: I hadn't even considered the fact, but who cares?! I'll still fly at you with an angry look on my face!  
  
Hiei: Kurama you know what to do!  
  
Kurama: Yes now I will grab for that rock which is colored differently from all the others, thereby making it very easy to spot!  
  
Genbu: It doesn't matter! I'll still just reform without it and hope for the best!  
  
So he did.  
  
Genbu: Oh god damnit! My face is where my crotch should be again!  
  
Yuske and Kuwabara: Hah, Now we shall make our jokes about the iron balls and toilets that got edited out of the television version!  
  
Suzaku: Enough of this! Why have you four come here? And why have you switched Genbu's face with his groin?  
  
Yuske: We came here to kill you because you killed Keiko, and we switched Genbu's face and groin just because it's humorous!  
  
Genbu: No it isn't! I always used to get made fun of in grade school whenever this happened!  
  
Suzaku: What do you mean that I killed Keiko? I've done no such thing.  
  
Kurama: Don't lie to us Suzaku, we know that you're really the eyeball salesman.  
  
Suzaku: Eyeball salesman? I'd never do something so degrading, selling snow cones is another story, but not selling eyeballs!  
  
Hiei: Well if you're not the eyeball salesman then who is?  
  
Suzaku: Why don't you put Genbu back together properly and I'll tell you.  
  
So Kuwabara used his super Tetris playing powers to properly reconstruct Genbu.  
  
Kuwabara: Ok so first I put down this L shaped piece here, and then the T shaped one goes on top of it, and then this square one...  
  
~ 2 hours later ~  
  
Kuwabara: ...and that's the last one!  
  
Yuske: Finally that's done, now you have to answer our questions Suzaku. Who really is the eyeball salesman?  
  
Suzaku: Well that's an easy one, the eyeball salesman is *Dramatic pause* Keiko!  
  
Kurama: Wow I sure didn't see that one coming.  
  
Hiei: I did.  
  
Kuwabara: And I always thought that it was really Bin Ladden! (that was a reference to a review Graves wrote for the first chapter, just read that review and it all will make sense)  
  
Yuske: How can that be? Keiko can't be the eyeball salesman, she was the first victim!  
  
Suzaku: Well duh, she was faking it.  
  
Kuwabara: No way, you can't fake something like that!  
  
Suzaku: Just look I'll show you.  
  
Suzaku then pulled out two little X's and placed them over his eyes. He then dumped some ketchup (or catsup, your choice) on himself and fell down onto the ground.  
  
Yuske: No, not another one! How many more must you kill eyeball salesman? How many more?  
  
Kurama: *Sweatdrop. Umm Yuske, he's just pretending.  
  
Yuske: I knew that! I was just... testing you all! Yeah that's it.  
  
Genbu: You all must listen to what lord Suzaku says.  
  
Suzaku: You four have all been betrayed by your friends in spirit world, it is clear that they sent you here to die.  
  
Kurama: But why?  
  
Suzaku: I don't know! Maybe they were bored and needed some entertainment!  
  
Kuwabara: But then why couldn't they have just watched some crappy reality TV show?  
  
Kurama: And next up on FOX it's "So would you marry this bologna for one million dollars?"  
  
All: What the hell?  
  
Kurama: What? Am I not allowed to act insane like you people from time to time?  
  
Hiei: No you aren't.  
  
'  
  
To Be Continued.  
  
Okay, okay, I know that all that was pointless and stupid but so what. Now that school has started back up I have very little time for this story. So for now I'm just going to hit the pause button on this story and wait a while before I do chapter 5, which should actually be chapter 4.5 seeing as how no one could call this a full chapter.  
  
Yuske: Don't you dare even think of stopping my adventure! If you do I'll *Freezes suddenly.  
  
Tsuni: Ha! Also before I forget, a big thank you goes out to the following people: cutie pie Hiei, Animefannatic-11, animelover630, asian princess 61, V. Chansie, anime-poker-chik, and of course GraveoftheFlies. 


	5. Our savior Mr Stabbykins

The YuYu Hakusho yaoi fanfic of DOOM!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own YuYu Hakusho, or anything else for that matter. I'm poor!  
  
Last time: Oh hell, I don't even remember what happened in the last chapter. This is the sort of thing that happens when you wait this many months between chapters. I think that everyone went to Maze castle and killed a flying eyeball, I do believe that Botan saved some cheese sandwiches, and I'm sure that Kurama made an attempt at mocking reality television shows. Lets all see what happens now.  
  
`  
  
Hiei: Remember this Kurama, you are not the comic relief. Just let those two idiots take care of such things.  
  
Kuwabara: I think that he's talking about us.  
  
Yusuke: He better not be, I have way too much class to be lumped in with you.  
  
Suzaku: I guess that none of you remember that Genbu and me are here.  
  
Kurama: I'm sorry but it slipped my mind.  
  
Kuwabara: I knew that you were here, but I just wanted to go along with the crowd.  
  
Hiei: You are a complete idiot.  
  
Kuwabara: Stop making fun of me, I just want to be popular!  
  
Yusuke: Hiei's right ya know, you are an idiot!  
  
Kurama: Could we get back to business?  
  
Suzaku: Quite a good idea Kurama, so aren't any of you wondering why the flying baby betrayed you?  
  
Yusuke: Flying baby did what now?  
  
Genbu: Master Suzaku, it's been so long since the last chapter that none of them remember what you are talking about.  
  
Suzaku: Maybe if we speak their language it would help.  
  
Genbu: But I don't know how to speak moron, sir.  
  
\ATTEMPT 1; Plain English.  
  
Suzaku: You have all been sent to your deaths by Koenma because Yusuke wouldn't do what he said.  
  
Kuwabara: Who's Koenma? Is he the pizza guy?  
  
Suzaku: You know, the baby with the ogre?  
  
Yusuke: Not a clue.  
  
\ATTEMPT 2; Rapper speak.  
  
Suzaku: Yo fo shizzel my nizzel!  
  
Yusuke: Hey yo now just wait one minizzel!  
  
Kuwabara: Random insult about the white man!  
  
\ATTEMPT 3; The Dr. Scholls commercial.  
  
Genbu: Hey who's jellin?  
  
Yusuke: I'm jellin!  
  
Kuwabara: Me too.  
  
Suzaku: I'm jellin like a felon.  
  
Yusuke: Want some melon Helen?  
  
Kurama: My names not Helen.  
  
Genbu: Are you jellin?  
  
Hiei: I refuse to play your stupid little game.  
  
`  
  
About three hours later.  
  
\ATTEMPT 47; Riverdance!  
  
Hiei: How does this help anyone?!  
  
Yusuke: Who knows, just keep moving your feet.  
  
Suzaku: All right, I give up! If after all of this you all still don't understand, then there's no way that I can explain it!  
  
Kuwabara: Explain what? About how Koenma hates us all?  
  
Suzaku: You mean that you understand?  
  
Kuwabara: Well of course I understand, it's not like I'm an idiot!  
  
All but Kuwabara: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha *pees pants.  
  
Kuwabara: You guys are being really mean! Now I'm sure that none of you are my friends!  
  
Genbu: I'd think that you would have figured that out a long time ago.  
  
Hiei: So does this mean that we don't get invitations to your birthday party, Kuwabaka?  
  
Yusuke: Kuwabaka? Where did you learn that Hiei?  
  
Hiei: Oh I just overheard some fangirls talking.  
  
Kurama: This looks enjoyable, maybe even I shall get in on the mocking of Kuwabara.  
  
Kuwabara: Geez now everyone's against me. I guess that I really do have only one true friend in this world *reaches into pants.  
  
Hiei: I really hope that he's not talking about what I think.  
  
Kuwabara then pulled his hands out of his pants to reveal a little kitten.  
  
Hiei: Well that certainly is a relief.  
  
Yusuke: Kuwabara, why did you have a cat in your pants?  
  
Kuwabara: Well I really like cats, so I always have to have one nearby. I feel safe when I have a kitten around.  
  
Kurama: And you always keep it in your pants?  
  
Kuwabara: Well where else would I keep it? In my hair?  
  
Yusuke: I think that all the times that we were mean to him did some serious damage, Kuwabara's gone crazy! *motions at Kuwabara.  
  
Kuwabara: All right that's enough excitement for you cat, back in the pants you go! Be good and I'll read you a story later.  
  
Genbu: I see what you mean.  
  
Suzaku: Is it really safe or sanitary to let him keep a small animal in his pants?  
  
Kuwabara: reading to his pants; ...I would not like it in a box, I would not like it with a fox, I would not like it in the air, I would not like it anywhere. I do not like green eggs and ham, I do not like you Sam I am.  
  
Suddenly a large black van pulled up,(yes it pulled up right to the top of the main tower in the castle) on the side of the van it said PETA. Two men in suits got out of the van and walked up to our heroes.  
  
Guy #1: Hello, I am random investigator guy and this is my partner random other investigator guy.  
  
Guy #2: Is there a Kazuma Kuwabara here?  
  
Kuwabara: That's me.  
  
Guy #1: We are from the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.  
  
Kuwabara: So what?  
  
Guy #2: So we are placing you under arrest for your horrible mistreatments of cats, namely the one in your pants right now.  
  
Kuwabara's pants: Meow!  
  
Kuwabara was then handcuffed and loaded into the van. The van drove through the wall and flew away, never to be seen again.  
  
Yusuke: Well that's all well and good, but how did the PETA find out about Kuwabara?  
  
Hiei: I certainly don't know. *laughs evilly to himself.  
  
Kurama: It was a little too convenient if you ask me.  
  
Yusuke: You're not complaining, are you?  
  
Kurama: Good point.  
  
Genbu: Well let us thank the PTA for their generous contributions to this story.  
  
Yusuke: Don't you mean the PETA?  
  
Genbu: And what did I say?  
  
Yusuke: The PTA.  
  
Genbu: Exactly! My genius is what legends are made of!  
  
Hiei: So when exactly was it that you turned into this story's token moron?  
  
Genbu: When Kuwabara was forcibly removed from the story.  
  
Suzaku: Well you all seem to be much more civil towards Genbu and I, shall I take this as a sign that you have forgiven us for our past wrongdoings?  
  
Yusuke: Hell of course! You guys are great company, and well, your both old enough to buy me beer!  
  
Kurama: Well I like pretty much everyone, so you both are fine.  
  
Hiei: I'm just glad that this story has finally started back up. Also the author promised to put my name in the chapter title.  
  
Kurama: Really?  
  
Hiei: Yep, isn't that right author?  
  
FROM NOWHERE INPARTICULAR!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Tsuni: That's right little mister stabby-kins.  
  
Hiei: Why don't you call me that one more time... mutter mutter...  
  
Tsuni: What was that Hiei-kun?  
  
Hiei: Nothing! Oh the horrid price of stardom.  
  
Yusuke: Well now that we are all friends, and we all agree that Koenma is stupid piece of crap  
  
Genbu: And that Keiko is the antichrist!  
  
Yusuke: Yes and that Keiko is the antichrist. We must formulate our plans for revenge.  
  
Kurama: We could send them bad pizza.  
  
Genbu: Or TP their houses!  
  
Hiei: Or we could cut off their limbs and hang their bodies from hooks.  
  
silence.......... chirp chirp chirp, SHUT UP YOU LITTLE BASTARD, I SAID SILENCE!  
  
Hiei: Hey I can do whatever I want, right author?  
  
FROM THE EXACT SAME NOWHERE!!!!!!!!!  
  
Tsuni: Go wild Goldilocks!  
  
Hiei: Good, then the bodily dismemberment it shall be.  
  
Suzaku: Well I have an even better idea!  
  
Yusuke: Which is?  
  
Suzaku: Lets go put Jin in this story and make some prank calls!  
  
GASP! Let us act as if he just said something important, que the dramatic music!  
  
There is nothing but silence for the next few minutes until a very confused author looks around and sees a note hanging there on the wall.  
  
The note: Deer author person. You kiked me out of this storie, so no you have nowone tu do your music. Maybe if you was not so cheep you would have goten a reel sound gay. Go too heel and kill yous self. Signed Kazuma Kuwabara.  
  
Wow. Out of that whole thing only his name wuz speeled write. Damnit now he has me doing it too!  
  
I guess that I'll have to do the dramatic music my self!  
  
BAAM BAAM BAAAAAAAAAAM! BAAM BAMM!  
  
All but Suzaku: All right! Now let's go do it!  
  
`  
  
To Be Continued.  
  
All right! It feels good to be working on this story again, and by working on I mean butchering in indescribable ways! My writer's block should be shown through the bad punctuation and terrible plot development. But that's all okay because this is an "of doom" fic, so expectations are already pleasantly low.  
  
Many thanks to all who still follow this story and keep your eyes open for the final chapter.  
  
Hiei: I had better get a better role next time! I am your favorite character right?  
  
Tsuni: Of course you are. But not before Koto and Juri and Yukina and Puu...  
  
Hiei: WHAT!? I scored lower that poo?  
  
Tsuni: No, you scored lower than Puu.  
  
Hiei: Same thing! 


End file.
